Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
pop tarts are not kleenex
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.