oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
