haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.