Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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