So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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