I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
