Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
