Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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