Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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