Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
