All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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