P.S. I can't hear my feet
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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