That's when you crack a 10am beer
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
