You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
