i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
