Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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