Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
