...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
pop tarts are not kleenex
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
