Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
