He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
