That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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