No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
