At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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