I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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