I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
