woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
