She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
