It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
