There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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