Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize