So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
