i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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