We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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