You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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