their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
