and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
