every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
