I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
