Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
