ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
