You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
