And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize