yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
