I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
