Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
