dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
