Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
