the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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