I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
