The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
