if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
