Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
