you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so let's talk penis.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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