Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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