She is in my trunk
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
