I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
