When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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