I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
