Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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