overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
