White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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