I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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