ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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