He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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